Everyone’s a critic

Tuesday, October 23rd, 2007

Mr GumbyI get this in my email recently:

Your video was cute…BUT, as a fellow kettle corn vendor, I\’m not quite sure what you were thinking when you handed out the recipe to anyone and everyone. The recipe is what sets us apart from the others. Keeps \’em coming back for the better corn. Heck, NorthBend doesn\’t even give it out for nothing. You have to buy their equipment to get it.

I reply:

So how do you keep the secret from the people who are watching you make it? Do you pop behind a curtain perhaps? When someone asks you what is inside your product, do you reply with “it’s a trade secret”?

Let’s list in necessary ingredients for well made kettle corn:

* Popcorn
* Sugar
* Corn Oil
* Salt
* $6,000 15,000 BTU blast furnace kettle.

The point of my video was you COULD attempt to make it at home, but it’s not going to be very good. (thus, buy mine)
When giving out samples, do you just drop one kernel into a customers hand, or do they get a whole 3 or 4?

They send this back:

Having customers “watch” you pop is different then handing out the recipe world wide. Like I said….Northbend doesn’t even hand it out. Doesn’t that tell you something.
When someone asks, of course we say corn, oil, sugar and salt.
And why would anyone give out just one kernal of corn as a sample?.
I guess the vending business is much more competetive here then it is in your part of the country.
Good luck with your business….

Exacerbated, I reply with:

Let’s go over the NECESSARY ingredients one more time…

* Popcorn
* Sugar
* Corn Oil
* Salt
* $6,000 15,000 BTU blast furnace kettle

Now let’s go over the ingredients for making cotton candy:

* sugar
* $6,000 cotton candy machine

Did ya notice the one ingredient which isn’t readily available to everyone worldwide in both these cases? Look really hard…it pains me if I have to type it out for you.

When someone asks, of course we say corn, oil, sugar and salt.

terroristMy God you’ve giving away the recipe! How do you know a terrorist wasn’t buying a bag from you? They could’ve posted it all over the internet. CHILDREN could’ve gotten their hands on it.

And why would anyone give out just one kernal of corn as a sample?.

It’s called sarcasm.

I guess the vending business is much more competetive here then it is in your part of the country.
Good luck with your business….

I guess you’re from down south. [*]
Good luck with your business….

I get this bundle of joy back:

Thats right….you make popcorn during the day, and to make ends meet, your a comedian at night. I should have known by your last name.
Poor guy, you must have been teased a lot as a child.
That explains everything.
Nice chatting with you.

I retort with:

LOL!

OK, let’s review out relationship so far:

You contact me first to scold me on giving away the precious secret of kettle corn to the masses.

I then attempt to point out that it’s impractical to make kettle corn at home, thus..having just the recipe is useless. I then imply that you’re perhaps anal retentive about all this.

You miss that point and my second point. You then imply that I must not be as skilled at making kettle corn as you are because of my location.

I reiterate my original point then clarify my second point. I then take a wild guess at your location.

You now postulate if I’m a comedian, make fun of my last name and attempt to draw out any guilt from my childhood.

Why did you start our correspondence again?

[* I apologize to everyone down south. Some of you guys work at NASA.]